I was taking my daily walk on a clear night one day when my mind started flooding with thoughts of past challenges that had strengthened me from within to manage adverse situations in my personal and professional life.  What could I tell my younger self, especially, on the verge of entering into the ‘real’ world with high hopes and aspirations?

Honestly, I don’t even remember the total number of times that I have been knocked down in life, but, I do remember getting up with a resolve to keep on going with an unflinching desire to maintain a progressive stride towards achieving success in personal and professional goals.  Following are three of the life’s most pressing challenges that were given to me and the key associated lessons that I realized in later life and use to this day:

Miss You Dad
I was 15 years old when my father passed away after suffering a massive heart attack.  He was a huge presence in my life with a larger-than-life personality that endeared him to a wide circle of friends from all walks of life.  However, his untimely passing left a deep void in me since I lost my first ‘guidance counselor’ in terms of establishing a solid foundation in the formative years.  We were three siblings and, though our exterior looked unflustered; there was a storm raging inside.  There were times when life seemed meaningless and a seemingly endless stream of daunting obstacles kept coming with unrelenting ferocity.  We didn’t have time to kid around and ‘grew up’ real quickly.  Learning turned into a lifelong passion and harboring a good character became our rallying cry.  Kudos to my mother for her selfless devotion in ensuring that we didn’t fall apart in times of crisis.  Mothers are like that…

Key Lessons

– You are the master of your own fate and it is critical to define your purpose in life yourself as quickly as possible before someone defines it for you
– Your well-being and happiness will depend upon the congruence of your action plan for success with the ‘discovery’ of your purpose in life
– There will be facilitators, trainers, teachers and mentors for you, however, nobody knows you better than yourself, therefore, do a thorough self-diagnosis before soliciting advice/guidance/help of any kind since the quality of remedial measures will depend upon the correct identification of affliction
– Don’t expect favors to be gifted to you on a platter. Take charge of your adversity and earn your own spurs

You Were My Friend
I was a Resident Assistant (RA) in a men’s Residence Hall for more than 3 years during my undergrad studies in the US.  It was an extremely rich and fulfilling experience that helped me ‘discover’ my hidden strengths and overcome my weaknesses by developing competencies through lessons from personal experiences.  I cherished the opportunity to help fellow students and engage with different cultures synergistically.  I was lucky to be in such a position since this was the first time that I had been outside of Pakistan and never had such exposure before.  There were a few unpleasant surprises too, especially, pertaining to the ugly side of racism that reared its head in the most unexpected places.

I was on wonderful terms with all the residents on my floor, most of whom became really good friends of mine.  One of the residents was a soft-spoken person with a delightful personality who became a close friend and an enthusiastic participant in social activities organized for the residents by the staff of the residence hall.  Late one night, I received a call from his neighbor about excessive noise coming from his room during the exam week.  I went to his room and knocked on the door to see why such a disturbance was being created and to advise him about the discomfort being caused to other residents and for taking remedial measures.  The door opened and I saw him with an unfamiliar expression on his face that was devoid of a friendly demeanor.  I noticed the unmistakable smell of alcohol all-around that also drifted into the hallway.  I began with a friendly overture and began to advise on how the excessive noise from his room was disturbing the other residents.  He interrupted me in the middle of my conversation and started spewing the most virulent form of ‘embedded’ racist rancor that I had ever heard in my life.  I tried to calm him down, but, his rage was seething uncontrollably.  His roommate and other residents, who came out of their rooms to see the cause of commotion, also tried to intervene, but, to no avail.  I kept on listening to him and was amazed at the transformation.  He was not the person who I knew and admired.

After about half an hour, he settled down and was taken away by his roommate who assured me that there would be no more disturbances and requested not to report the incident.  I honored his request and waited for the next morning and went to see my ‘friend’ who was sober now and had been told about what he did last night by his roommate.  He had a problem facing me and wore an embarrassed look, however, no apology was offered and an ‘uncomfortable silence’ took over majority of our ‘casual’ conversation.  He moved out from the residence hall next semester and our paths never crossed again.  I lost a ‘friend’ that night…

Key Lessons

– You will be tested in unexpected ways, especially, by the people close to you
– Your core values coupled with integrity are your most precious possessions
– Learn to believe in yourself by accumulating a steady stream of sustainable successes that can shape your life into an enduring legacy of personal triumph and professional excellence
– Never underestimate the power of restraint

United We Stand
During the First Gulf War, there was a strong wave of patriotism that swept the US college campuses.  However, such positive sentiments were sometimes overshadowed by displays of hostility and discriminatory practices towards fellow students who were deemed to be from a Middle Eastern and South Asian heritage.  This problem got magnified on my university with significant rise in complaints to relevant authorities about racial slurs, targeted items thrown from moving cars on unsuspecting pedestrian students and threats of physical abuse.  The President of the Student Council, an American, took the proactive step of calling a general meeting to discuss the respective issues and take necessary steps to diffuse the escalating situation.  I was the Representative of the International Students on the Student Council and had been approached by several of my peers in terms of their concerns and fears.  As the meeting progressed, one could sense a deep sense of patriotism that pervaded the room and there were loud cheers as news of the victories during the war were being recounted by one speaker after another who rose up to add his/her voice in fervent celebrations.

I was happy to savor the positives of the moment, however, quite cognizant of the weight of expectations that was placed on me by my peers to present a compelling case in front of the Student Council to ensure that care was also been accorded to allaying the concerns and fears of the International Students, especially, from the Middle Eastern and South Asian heritage.  As I rose up, my eyes meet the fixated gaze of my fellow members who reflected mixed expressions of curiosity and wonder with the sounds of uncomfortable shifting in the chairs and clearing of worn throats from passionate speeches.  I started by thanking the President and other members of the Student Council for the opportunity to speak on behalf of the International Students and highlighted the challenges being faced by my peers from the international community.  I emphasized the need for compassionate understanding as each one of us was there to seek knowledge and learning to secure a better future, just like the US citizens, and gave examples, including my own, of the kind of sacrifices that had been made to reach the US in enabling the achievement of such an objective.  I invited the audience to take an introspective journey by empathizing with our situation and embrace the richness of diversity that gave the university its true calling as a venerable institution of ‘higher’ learning.

As I sat down with a lump in my throat from the raw emotion of the respective experience, the President of the Student Council rose up with the rest of the Student Council and gave me a standing ovation.  He deeply appreciated the sincerity and clarity, with which, I had advocated the case for diversity and pledged to work with his fellow members in terms of ensuring a safe and inclusive environment.  There was a dramatic fall in the number of hate incidents afterwards.  Everyone knows about the war that was won by the coalition in the Gulf, however, the peace that was gained on US campuses remains largely obscure.  I gained so many ‘friends’ that day…

Key Lessons

– You can surprise yourself with the ‘hidden’ strengths in your portfolio of personality traits during a time of crisis
– Purposeful communication should engage honesty for success
– Doing good should not be subservient to fanfare
– Never back down from a challenge that demands the best out of you

Farewell Advice
Don’t forget to have a good time, however, remain vigilant to the enticement of complacency, the mirage of ‘excess time’, the inducement of blaming others for your failures and the strong urge to abandon hope…