It's not easy to speak up.
We've all been there. Whether it's our boss, a high performer, or one of our peers. It doesn't make it any easier to say something when we hear a comment that we know hurts and excludes someone else.
We do often reflect on it though.
“Oh, I wish I'd said!” This prickly introspective thought is a common blight on those unfortunate enough to witness a microaggression while feeling powerless to do anything about it.
What can we do to avoid perpetually reflecting on what we could and should have done? To find the answer, we must remind ourselves of the impact a microaggression has and why it is quite so debilitating.
Professor Derald Wing Sue describes six particular feelings as a result of microaggressions, which tie into two harmful areas. There is the pain caused by exclusion, which leads to feelings of belittlement, anger and rage. And there is also the way in which they are so hard for an individual to speak up about, which can cause feelings of frustration, alienation and invalidation. Which means when we see a microaggression, we need a response that mitigates both of these.
You might be tempted to call it out, like you would if someone said something overtly offensive; but this would likely exacerbate the impact. Usually we realise this in the moment, which is so often the reason people who witness microaggressions are rendered helpless bystanders. Instead we need to step in, focus on the individual and say something that restores their sense of belongingness.
What might this look like in practice?
Imagine a networking event taking place for a women's resource group. Women from across the organization have attended, including Judith and her colleague Natasha. They're standing, talking, when another woman strolls over. “Hey Judith, I've heard of you and your work but we've never formally met.” She pauses and looks at Natasha. “I've never heard of you though- are you new here? What do you bring to the table?”
Can you picture Natasha's reaction if Judith were to stringently object and protest about this subtle framing? It is unlikely it'd help the situation. As an alternate, she could act as a link between the pair:
“I've heard of your work too, and how busy you are, so I'm not surprised you haven't heard of Natasha's exploits. But you should get to know her- she's been doing great work in our legal department.”
There's no blueprint for a great response. Instead we should bear in mind that individuals feel included when they are able to be their unique self and equally feel they belong. Which means that any response we take to these tricky situations ought to affirm their identity and bridge them into the wider group.
Want to transform your organisation from one where people helplessly observe microaggressions to one where they are noticed and acted upon? Keep an eye open for the next article in this series, where we'll explore just that.
